


Arsony Just Might Lead to a Boyfriend

by ValidAsshole



Category: Naruto
Genre: Board A: Magic Realism, M/M, Sibling Incest, Witches!, alchemy exams!, b:free space, dragons!, isn't it all you could ever ask for?, large creepy bones too ;), rarepairbingo2019, whats up motherfuckers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-17
Updated: 2019-06-17
Packaged: 2020-05-13 07:03:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19246210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ValidAsshole/pseuds/ValidAsshole
Summary: Hashirama, an extremely exuberant witch, has been hiding quite a lot from his beloved Otouto.In his defense, Tobirama was more likely to flood him with water than to listen to something so foolish.





	Arsony Just Might Lead to a Boyfriend

**Author's Note:**

> sup

“We really shouldn’t be here.”

“Stop being such a spoilsport, Tobi. We’re here to have fun!”

“Just because you think this will be fun does not decrease the chances we’ll die.”

“Oh, hush.”

Tobirama lets out a long sigh. Hashirama only ever rarely listened to reason, usually when it was on his side. His logic was what he wanted, and to Tobirama’s chagrin, it mostly worked out.

It was unfair.

Hashirama had taken a break from his work in growing forests and enchanting homes for this, to celebrate Tobirama finally being done with his exams. It’s not like they knew if he’d even done well on them, the insufferable bastard.

 _“Of course you did well, you’re my genius Otouto!”_ the praise had made him turn away, hoping he wasn’t blushing, and Hashirama had taken that to mean that - of course - his brother was worried about his scores, and such had told him to loosen up and that they’d be going on an adventure.

An adventure past the extremely haunted woods with fae who were more likely to steal you away or kill you than kick you out, and somewhere even more dangerous- the graveyard most didn’t even have the barrier breaking capabilities to get through. He thought that’s where they would stop, at the barrier.

He’d acquiesced, he just hadn’t expected an adventure to mean -

“Hello, Madara~!”

-that his brother had said capabilities, that they were visiting his brother’s elusive friend, who’s description happened to match an infamous fire mage who literally razed down an entire town a few weeks ago.

 

Why was his brother making friends with a criminal anyway? Hashirama was a reputable witch, Tobirama on his way to becoming a recognized master alchemist, they shouldn’t be in the presence of such- such trash. And why did Madara live in the Mountain’s Graveyard, a holy place, a wretched place, not somewhere to live as much as to revere.

The place itself gave him mixed vibes, the large bones they crossed reminding him of the beginning of time, exuding ancient magic even this long after their death, it made his mouth water as much as it did make him want to hold himself closer to Hashirama. As much as it intrigued him; it also made him feel like they were being watched, being _judged_ , by a power they couldn’t counter.

He ignores the chills crawling down his spine and lets his eyes lead to the man Hashirama has run ahead of him to greet.

He wasn’t quite visible yet, instead his brother seemed to be talking to a red wall. A red wall that is exuding magic like the ones coming from the near-forgotten skeletons.

He looks up and of course. Of course Anija would make friends with the dragons, who by all rights kept to themselves and did not reveal themselves to anyone but those they deem worthy.

He didn’t know how he should feel about this.

On one hand, they were maybe going to get killed by a dragon, on the other hand, the dragon seemed to be Hashirama’s friend- and having a dragon on one’s side was inexplicably helpful.

“Anija, I thought you said we were meeting Madara Uchiha.” he whispers, sending him a look even as he kneels on the floor to introduce himself.

Such a being deserved the utmost respect.

“My name is Tobirama Senju, it is an honor to meet you.” he says, head bowed and eyes cast downward, one hand fisted on the ground, and the other resting on his knee.

He doesn’t expect the being to snort, fire skimming his hair. He pats at it in a rush so that he doesn’t burn all his hair off.

“I am Madara Uchiha.” the fire dragon said, amused, as if it was obvious. How had he even heard his whispers from all the way up there?

“Ah, my apologies.” he tries, looking up once more. According to all news channels, Madara was 179 centimeters, dealt with fire as much as he did space magic, with more fox-like qualities than draconic. But a dragon would not lie. And Hashirama had described him as Madara, not as this dragon.

There was one thing he knew then, Hashirama was having fun at his expense. If this was truly Madara, if the dragon was not a complicated illusion, then that meant he knew that the arsonist mage, occasionally bandit, was a _dragon_ , and taken him to meet him without telling him this important fact.

He had to stop himself from punching him. The absolute bastard. He could’ve at least warned him, let him prepare!

This is, of course, when it bends down, and Anija- Anija pets his snout! The insolence, the disrespect, the audacity, he has to resist the want to prostrate himself on the floor and beg for forgiveness on his idiot brother’s behalf.

And Madara, _Madara_ nuzzles into it, like he is a pet. Like he is not literally so much older and wiser than a nature maid of all things.

And then he, maybe he should’ve expected it, but then he transforms into a human. Everything sinks in at once, that this wasn’t a lie, that a dragon had taken its amusement in going to cities and wreaking havoc in a human disguise. Not a clue to his draconic origin left on him, not even a scale.

Well, the dual fire and space wielding made more sense now, at least. And, he thought maybe Madara had a fox patron, but knowing the facts- it was far more likely that he had an alliance with the Kitsune Deity that controlled the forest they had crossed.

And then Hashirama booped his nose, something he hadn’t done to Tobirama in years. Treating a dragon like a child, and Madara wasn’t complaining, only sending a sweet smile to his brother. And then, and then - _Madara kisses him._

What the hell, Hashirama. Well, at least this explains why he turned down Uzumaki Mito’s advances.

Neither of them seems ashamed of kissing in front of him, no tact and no empathy for his plight.

They melt into the kiss and seem to forget everything around them, except they don’t, because in the next moment he is being beckoned closer by a hand with trimly cut nails- when he’d just had claws moments earlier. His brows furrow, this discrepancy was going to drive him up a wall, or a large skeleton, as that’s the only thing that happens to be nearby.

He has a moment where he thinks of staying far away and in place, but finds himself moving anyways.

His brother hadn’t just made friends with Madara, he’d done much, much more.

“As telling as this is, why did you bring me here, Anija?” he asks, even as he moves closer. If he had just come over here to snog Madara, why would he bring him along? How inconsiderate.

They break in an instant, taking a pause to stare disgustingly into each other eyes, and then those red eyes are staring into his and he is frozen in place by a piercing gaze.

Then Madara turns and takes a step towards him, as if Tobirama wasn’t already extremely close, and, despite himself, he takes a step back in turn.

The grin he’s met with makes something in him boil. Madara only smirks and steps forward once more. He refuses to back down this time, not quite glaring, but letting his eyes stare at Madara in defiance.

His hand comes up to grip his chin in place, and then he is the one being kissed. His eyes widen, he’d just been kissing Hashirama, what in the holy fuck, and Hashirama’s energy didn’t seem surprised or angry, and he lifts his hands to push Madara away, but then there is a body behind him, Anija behind him, holding him in place by his hips, and Madara takes his shock as a chance to deepen the kiss. He ends up clutching at his shoulders instead of what he had meant to do.

And then they are separating, and he takes a moment to breathe, to catch his brain up with whatever the fuck is going on. He knows he must be red down to his shoulders by now, and a thin line of saliva still connected them.

It connects in his brain then- Hashirama had brought him here _to be_ _seduced_. He was going to murder him, maybe that would teach him to ask instead of springing all this up on him at once, maybe then he wouldn’t be so caught off guard. At least Madara seemed interesting though- would have so many things to teach him- he wouldn’t mind entering a relationship with them both, the way it occurred notwithstanding.

“He’s beautiful, we are keeping him.” Madara declares.

 

On second thought, he was going to punch a dragon.  


**Author's Note:**

> was that how magical realism works??  
> this was a small happy thing to take the edge off another thing im writing lol
> 
> comment if u liked owo


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